Things that are win #1 (a list mostly comprised of food)

1. Tea. Tea is not just win, its epic win and thus first on my list.  My tea needs to be made with at least three teaspoons of artificial sweetener so it’s all foamy. Sometimes I think it actually bubbles…..I can’t actually drink foamless tea now which is kind of worrying. I’m concerned that it’s becoming like my own personal crack habit. Artificial sweetener, or more specifically aspartame, as well as being quite addictive, will apparently cause me to grow three heads one day so I've enforced a two cup limit. I like to think drinking such a dangerous substance makes me a rebel, I laugh in the face of possible tumours! Bet hey, the alternative is sugar which contains more calories and is strictly verboten on my diet. The first one of the morning (and the subsequent false chemically induced sugar rush) is particularly immense. For the rest of the day, I have to get my aspartame kick from diet coke which just isnt the same *sad face*

2.  That place in St David’s shopping centre that blends chocolate bars and desserts  into milkshakes. Particularly win-some are the Oreo, Ferrero Rocher, Kinder Beuno and Lion Bar varieties.Warning – May induce diabetes.

3. Trashy American dramas and the life lessons we can take from them. My favourite one is ‘One Tree Hill’. It’s easy to dismiss these shows as irrelevant and a bit shit, but I dispute that. One Tree Hill is a good show, it has good writing, an emotional core, a brilliant music score, and fit men who often, selflessly, go topless. The plotline may be a little unbelievable but that’s beside the point, it's real value can be found in the life lessons it teaches us. These include; 

• It’s okay to fall pregnant whilst still in High School so long as you’ve also gotten married whilst in High School. This means that as God was  'down with it',  you’ll turn out to be a successful recording artist and your husband will become an NBA All Star and you and your perfect babies will live in a multi million pound mansion
• It’s entirely normal to see and interact with the ghosts of cast members past.
• It’s probably not a good idea to murder your brother. Even when you’ve served your time, people will still frown upon you.
• It’s also probably not a good idea to sleep with your brothers ex wife. May result in Murder (see above)
• You need not fear disease. You may have an incurable heart disease, a potentially lethal pregnancy condition or a broken back and temporary paralysis but don’t worry. They are only sent to teach you about yourself. For the most part if you are going to die it’ll be via a tragic accident or murder and you’ll never see that coming so just relax.
• Don’t worry if you’re unemployed – it’s surprisingly easy to set up your own fashion or record label, write your own book or become a sports broadcaster.
• Be wary of weddings. Things in particular to watch out for are kidnaps, ex boyfriends/girlfriends proclaiming their love for your spouse, possible death en route to honeymoon, going into labour mid ceremony (This also happens at graduation) or worst of all discovering your bride to be was in fact hired by your brother to pretend to love you. That shit hurts!
• Never hire a hot nanny. She will turn out to be insane and attempt to seduce your husband, abduct your child and kidnap and torture your father in law. You’ve been warned.
• Avoid drugs. If you so much as *think* about cocaine, you’ll become addicted. This could result in a multi episode arc of you doing shameful things before going to rehab and “getting clean”. Is that really what you want? It is accepted however that the average 20 something needs to let off steam so binge drinking is quite acceptable.

4. Edward Monkton Artwork. Because it's just amazing. Look at it!

                                                

                                        

                                              

5. Rock Music. Now, I don’t profess to be a proper metaller, nor do I have much interest in “classic” rock, and if it's German/contains mostly screaming I'm not fussed, but despite this, Rock Music (or at least my definition of it) is amazing. Proper rockers probably think I have rubbish taste in music but I care not. I’m all about 80’s cock rock and modern day punk/indie/rock. It’s best enjoyed in one of two settings – In a dark dingy rock club or full blast in your car. For the rock club setting, you need to have ingested several shots of Tequila or Jack Daniels. This is vital in enduring the smelly rock boys, the skankiness of your surroundings  and the almost claustrophobic ‘dancefloor’ Indeed, once you are pissed, all these things, including the smelly rock boys will become strangely endearing.There’s nothing quite like moshing along to ‘Killing in the name’ doing your best air guitar impression and screaming ‘MOTHERFUCKER!!!!?!768!’  along with 100’s of people, and then jumping around with them all in unconcealed joy as it’s switched for some Blink 182 or old school Green Day and you’re all singing along. Amazing. Also if you can play guitar - you're hot. Fact.

If you’re driving then ‘Dad rock’ should be the soundtrack of choice. Particularly special are Meatloaf, Kiss, Bon Jovi & Journey – any of these at full blast will ensure a rockin’ and safe journey - After all, accidents don’t happen when you pray at the altar of rock.

6. T diggitys Stuffing. T diggity is my boyfriend’s dad, Terry. Every Christmas and Easter he makes the best stuffing in the world. Ever. I mean really. To satisfy his family he makes like three massive bowlfuls and we all just fight over it. We're not told what goes into it, but we *are* told it's better that way for if we knew, we wouldn’t eat it. We suspect it contains artery clogging amounts of butter but it doesn’t matter. Death would be worth it.

7. Popular science fiction TV shows and hotties resulting from them. I think it’s becoming cool to be geeky again. Shows such as Buffy, Dr Who, True Blood, Torchwood, Dollhouse and Firefly have made science fiction shows relevant again. And with this new relevance comes…..hot men! Being the hero of your own show can catapult you from humble man to apocalypse averting dreamboat. Take John  barrowman for instance. In reality he’s just a very camp man with an aversion towards showtunes who oddly switches between Scottish and American accents. However, put him in military dress complete with gun and swagger and he becomes an intergalactic sex god. Ditto David Tennant. I wouldn’t look twice at him normally but when he’s in that suit, running around in his converse and generally being all tragic…well lets just say I’d have a go on his sonic screwdriver. As a general rule men also become hotter whenever they're playing Vampires – Spike from Buffy, case in point (the exception to this is Robert Pattinson who looks like a douche, vampire or not) It also works if you’re a bloke; Sarah Michelle Geller is undeniably hotter when she’s kicking demon ass and who didn’t want to bone Deanna Troy from The Next Generation? It’s a fact – Geek = Chic.

8. Primark. This one divides people. There are those who hate Primark and its ethically unsound ways and those who appreciate the brilliance of £1 pants. Guess which category I fall into. I *adore* Primark. Sure, it can get annoying when everybody is walking around in the same clothes, and actually getting through floors 1-3 is something of an ordeal, but when you emerge with your stuffed, destined to fall apart, (and may I add environmentally sound) paper bag of goodies for under £20 it’s all worth it. Of course the fashion is sometimes very hit and miss, but I’ve bought some real gems from there. I just try and blank out where it comes from. After all, ignorance is bliss and there’s a recession on!

9. New stationary. New stationary is brilliant!! I feel sad that I’m longer a student because one of the best parts of being in school was buying fresh new pens and pads. There’s something for everyone. If you’re a bit apprehensive something as simple as a new humble biro can give you kicks. For the hardcore stationary junkie there’s post it’s, tip ex pens, exotic highlighters and a variety of beautiful organisers. Little compares to the thrill of writing on the first page of a brand new ruled pad or opening up a clean diary and putting in all your dates and schedules. Stationary Mecca is a little haven called Paperchase, it’s kind of like the Gucci of stationary. Since I have little need for such an array of supplies these days, instead I like to go and admire their wares like a strange stationary fetishist. Well, we all get our kicks somehow….right?

10. Bacon, egg and brown sauce sandwichs. Nuff said.

xx

Things I love #1 - Roller Derby

Roller Derby. I’d never heard of it before April of this year. Then one Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I took a trip to the cinema to see ‘Whip it’. I didn’t really know what it was about, but Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore were in it, and having adored ‘Juno’ and having a lady crush on Ms Barrymore, we gave it a go.

I came out of there two hours later literally buzzing. And it’s pathetic to admit that a film had such an effect on me but it did.

It hasn’t been the easiest of years. In some respects it had been amazing but something was missing from my life. One of those situations whereby I should have had enough to be happy, but I didn’t.

I’ve lost a lot of friends in the past few years, some friendships fell victim to growing up & some went by the wayside after a split with my ex. I have some amazing friends, but I don’t see them as often as I like, and they’re not a group of best friends like I’d been used to before, they’re scattered all around the place. I have a gorgeous boyfriend, but socially, I get lonely sometimes. I felt as if I had a hole in my life that these lost friendships used to fill and I didn’t know what could replace that.

Perhaps that’s why the film spoke to me. Not only did Bliss find something she was good at, she was part of something. I wanted to be part of something. Growing up, I’d never been into sports. I was the stereotypical ‘last kid picked for the team’  I had a weight problem until very recently & didn’t really have confidence to pursue anything sporty. But losing weight removed that excuse and in order to maintain this weight I needed to get more active and Roller Derby, as well as providing the benefits of being part of a team, burns some wicked calories.

The next day, still brimming with enthusiasm, I googled ‘Roller Derby Cardiff’ and started doing some research. Roller Derby, for the uninitiated, is a full contact woman’s sport. The game is based on formation roller skating around an oval track by two teams; points are scored as the designated scoring player  ‘the jammer’ of both teams each laps members of the opposing team. These members are called Blockers and it’s basically their job to prevent the jammer breaking through the pack and scoring points. It started back at the beginning of the 1900’s and in the last ten years is experiencing something of a resurrgance.

                                                Old school Roller girl!

Nowadays it’s got kind of a punk image and true to form, a lot of the girls are alternative and have lots of tattoos etc. But look deeper into it, and there’s girls of all shapes and sizes skating and that’s whats so brilliant about it. If your small and nimble, you’re going to be a wicked Jammer. Got a bit of booty? Then you’ll be a kick ass blocker.

 My research threw up a news article regarding the Cardiff Dragon Dolls. I was a bit stunned to find a team, thinking it would be a very underground sport. Turned out that the dolls had already held a recruitment day two days earlier which I had missed. Not to be deterred, I looked them up on facebook, left a message and made plans to show up next Saturday. That gave me a week to stew and talk myself out of it – which I very nearly did. But I remembered how inspired I was after that seeing the film and Saturday morning I drove myself to the Star Centre in Splott, not knowing what to expect.

Upon arrival, I found two other obvious newbie’s loitering around. I clung to them and together we went into the main Hall. I was handed some skates, a variety of pads and a helmet. After about six hours I was padded up and like a retarded Bambi on ice made my way across to a corner where the other fresh meat was lined up against the wall.

For the next hour I threw myself at the floor in a variety of interesting ways and played some playground games on skates. I was hooked. I spent the next week in agony with my jelly legs (A side effect of not wearing roller skates in over ten years) but I soon adapted.

Fast forward to today and my skills are growing. For the past few months we’ve had a brilliant coach and I feel like I’m really starting to progress. Because I’m a big girl, I’m learning to play as a blocker, trying to put politeness aside and just deliver good hits and be ruthless.

I’m still with the Dolls. Some of the members are forming a new team because the management sucks and I’m giving that a go. We’re not a very ‘together’ team at the moment but I’m hoping the new team really get their act together and make it feel more like a collective. I think once we start playing bouts it'll take off then.

I don’t know if it’s filled the gap that I once felt I had. But if nothing else, it’s given me a new passion and a skill and I’ve met some brilliant people even if it’s not the ‘Go Team!’ ethos that ‘Whip it’ sold to me. I love dressing a bit more punk, obtaining a stupid amount of tube socks, having an alter ego to blame to fouls on & actually enjoy falling on my ass so I can have a bruise (or derby kiss) to be proud of. I love the adrenaline and the feeling of accomplishment – of mastering a new move and perfecting it. The teams not perfect but I like the support that we give each other, the cheers when someone delivers a particularly good block and the high fives when another girl does a particularly radical jump.

I don’t know what my derby future holds, but I’m determined to continue and be the best skater I can be :D

"Life is a constantly morphing thing. Just when you think you know where it's all headed you wake up the next morning to a completely different view. The landscape has changed along with the seasons, but the trees are the same trees, only your view has changed. So you try to cling to the old things that used to comfort you, clinging to the familiar, but they provide little or no solace. The fears do not subside. At this point we have no choice but to surrender to the unknown.

That is where the real beauty lies.

It is not in the knowing, the familiar, the expected. But in the embracing of the unknown. A willingness to walk down a new path and to trust that everything is as it should be. perfect. as it is.


- Keri Smith - Life is a constantly morphing thing

Something cute to begin with...