A weighty issue....

I’m going to discuss weight and body image and my personal take on both. It hardly seems an important topic in the bigger picture, but both play a huge factor in the confidence and quality of life of so many people, both men and women. Of course I can only talk about my own experiences and I’m by no means right about anything (Although I only add that in the interest of fairness – I am in reality right about everything)

There seems to a common misconception in today’s society, thin = beautiful. I disagree. It’s a cliché but you can be beautiful and perfectly happy with yourself at any weight. If you’re a big girl and quite content that way then brilliant. People will argue that it’s unhealthy but what do they know? There is of course a world of difference between being overweight and being morbidly obese. If you struggle to get around and haven’t seen your feet in several years, then yeah, you should probably seek help.

It pisses me off when ill informed people judge and say that if a person is fat they must be lazy and unhealthy, honestly – stereotype much? I know bigger women who can run rings around their smaller friends. I’ve known a girl that was a size 8 that used to sit by me in work, and every morning she would systematically work her way through a pile of junk food. I don’t care that she’s thin, that cant be good for her insides! Hopefully if there’s any justice she’ll reach her 30’s and balloon…not that I’m bitter but if you mistreat your body you can’t expect it not to rebel at any point.

My point is, being overweight might put you at a higher risk of certain diseases, but so will smoking, drinking and just about everything else these days. If your active and take the time to eat well, then I think that’s all we can ask.

As long as you lead a full life, what does it matter if you wear a size 10 or a size 20? Who cares? It does take a certain kind of woman though to rise above society’s attitudes and judgements.

It’s almost like when you’re a larger than average woman, you feel the need to be living in an almost constant state of apology. ‘I’m sorry I’m eating this cake, I’ll diet tomorrow’ wash, rinse, repeat. And if it’s not your peers ramming that message down your throat, you can open a magazine, switch on the television and have it spoon fed to you. It’s like the whole world is obsessed with self improvement. When is somebody actually going to say, ‘Hey, you know what? You’re beautiful as you are’. I’m guessing that would make for a short article and not sell many magazines. Beauty is more than being thin, it’s being happy and content and you radiate it no matter what size you are.

I’ve been both sides of the scale. I’ve been a size 24 and a size 14. You might wonder why I wanted to lose weight given everything I’ve said above. I just didn’t like myself at that weight. I wasn’t strong enough to be happy in my skin at that weight. I emitted waves of vulnerability and self loathing and people pick up on that. Some people will even go so far as to use that against you, and it’s happened to me time and time again. I’ve had people who are complete strangers tell me I shouldn’t be eating that, I have indeed been given someone’s seat on the bus (incidentally – a woman’s worst nightmare. We’re not pregnant douche. Rule of thumb, unless a woman actually giving birth, never *ever* just assume she’s pregnant) I’ve had complete jerks hit on me for a joke, both talking to me and simultaneously turning round to laugh with their friends about how they’re winding up the fat chick, as if being big also meant I was too stupid to realise what was going on. I’d like to say I had the confidence to deliver a killer put down but I didn’t. I let them get to me and who knows why, for these are clearly horrible people, the worst kind of people in fact - those who get off on other peoples hurt. I only hope they grow up one day and feel ashamed of that. Somehow I doubt it.

It’s all about how you feel about yourself and I was unhappy. I had eating problems and I wasn’t feeding my body very well at all. I’ve been dieting for two years now and lost 6 stone. I’d like to lose more, but I’m happy enough at this weight. I’d like to be a bit more toned, but it’s not really important on the grand scale of things is it? I think it boils down to this, if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see then do something about it. Same as life’s to short as worry about a few extra lb’s, life’s also too short to waste it being unhappy if those few lb’s are making you miserable.

One day I couldn’t do a pair of size 24 jeans up, I looked in the mirror (in what I should add was very unflattering changing room lighting) and wanted to cry. I think the next week I joined Slimming World and never looked back. I could have bought some size 26 jeans and merrily carried on, but when would it stop? I was eating because I was unhappy and unhappy because I was eating. God only knows where I would have ended up.

If you’ve ever been me in that changing room then you know what it’s like. Whilst I applaud anybody of any size who is body confident, if you’re deeply unhappy, enough so that it affects your day to day life and emotional wellbeing, then do something about it.

It’s not easy; I know that, as does any person whose lost weight, but it’s worth it. At least try. I’ve tried and failed more times than I can count but ultimately I wanted to be happy more than I wanted to comfort eat and continue down that path. Being overweight is not something you’re powerless to change. It’s one of the few things about your body that unless you’re unfortunate enough to having a thyroid problem or something similar, you *can* have control over.

It was right for me to lose the weight because I wasn’t naturally a bigger girl. I had issues with food and that in turn made me overweight. I was eating rubbish and hardly exercising. I simply wasn’t taking care of myself.

We see celebrities flaunt weight loss all the time. Some are so contrived that companies who sell fitness DVD’s target them. These celebrities work out with a personal trainer and eat hardly anything to achieve amazing results and flog DVD’s (Hello Hannah Waterman!) More often than not to pile the weight back on (that would be you Natalie Cassidy) and whilst I don’t begrudge them doing that, after all, they’re only human, I would take issue with them making money on the back of a plan or a regime that they themselves can’t maintain.

Some celebrities however are great weight loss inspiration. Firstly Sara Rue. You might not have heard of her, been she’s been in lots of American sitcoms. She was always the ‘big and bubbly’ character and I admired her. Recently I saw a picture of her looking slim and discovered she’d lost 50lbs. Reading up in it, it turns out that deep down she was faking that bubbliness that made her so endearing and simply wanted to feel better about herself.

 

She’s now a spokesperson for the Jenny Craig eating plan (a sort of American Slimming World) and she keeps a blog on there in which she talks about the problems she faces maintaining this loss. I think she’s a great weight loss role model, she looks good (although I think she was equally as beautiful before) and just from her stance in the second picture you can tell she’s much happier.

Ditto Kelly Osborne. Being my age and seeing her weight fluctuate in the media over the years means that I can identify with her more than any other celeb that’s been battling with their weight in the public eye.

Her transformation appeared to have been kick started by an appearance on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and she’s maintaining her newly trim bod ever since. Curiously when trying to find a picture of Kelly, I noticed in all her before photo's she was moody and scowling but she's absolutely beaming in more recent shots. Glowing in fact. Same as with Sara Rue, she's recently commented that she's finding, in pictures she's posting to twitter etc, that she's in them a lot more. It's just one of those unconscious things that happen when you're at peace with yourself. I was trying to find an old photo of myself for my Slimming World class recently and found it hard trying to find a full length body shot - yet at the time I don't remember hiding away. Kelly has stated that she did a bikini shoot for a magazine recently and cried. She cried because she had never worn a bikini before and didn’t think she ever would. So inspiring and so easy to relate to. That’s the thing. Being bigger doesn’t have to restrict what you wear. I thought my body was repulsive and I covered it up. Reality is, you can buy a bikini any size; you just can’t buy the confidence to wear it. A certain Ms Beth Ditto will attest to that:

              

And say what you will about her, but she’s as much as a role model as Kelly Osborne or Sara Rue. After all she can’t be that unfit bounding around on stage, and she brims with fierce attitude. She’s probably happier with the way she looks than millions of girls who are currently starving themselves to reach some unattainable ideal. They may be a size 0, but when all is said and done, who leads the more satisfying life? My moneys on Beth.

I guess in a roundabout way, I think it’s all down to the individual. There are things we can do to make ourselves healthier, but to assume that fat = bad is just wrong. We need to wonder if we’re unhappy with ourselves because we’re listening to everybody else telling us what we *should* look like as opposed to feeling a genuine desire to change.

I applaud women who have the strength to seek change because is it isn’t easy. At a size 14, I should probably be smaller to be the healthiest I could be, and I’m sure one day I’ll get there. For now though I refuse to spend any more time being hard on myself whilst still on the journey. I’m not aiming to be thin, I’m aiming to be happy and healthy – and I think that’s the message we should be spreading.